Thursday, January 31, 2013
Between having my tooth pulled, and then getting a flu shot, a combination of the two really tried to rob me of my energy, and stop me from completing my daily routine, but I wouldn’t let it get the best of me. Halfway through my workout, I had to stop. Before I even started my workout, I felt very sluggish and weak. So I started talking to myself, like the little train that could, I convince myself to power through my weak and tiresome adversity of wanting to quit for the day, realizing I would be kicking myself for not giving it my all, I continue to say to myself I think I can I think I can and before I knew it my workout was complete and it felt awesome! I made it over that difficult hump, and this is the way that I’ll continue to face my adversities in life and power through them head on, until my problems are resolved.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Since I’ve heard about how dangerous this flu season has been, so bad that they’re calling it yet another epidemic, with many healthy people across the entire nation resulting in death, I’ve been really concerned about getting sick and catching the flu in this filthy environment. Well, today my prayers were answered, with another surprise pass for a visit to the clinic for flu shot. This is just one less thing I have to worry about.
Speaking of worries, the bald spots on my face have started growing back hair just as quickly as it went away. The hair isn’t growing as fast as a hair on the rest of my face, but that’s not even the kicker, the weirdest part about all of this is that the hair were my bald spots where have no pigment at all, almost clear like, not blond, or gray, or even white. The best way I can explain it is to call peach fuzz.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I just received a pass for surprise follow-up with the dentist. They want to pull some of my teeth but, I’m trying to salvage what I have left until my release, so that I can get the best dental treatment I can, and possibly save my teeth, instead of having to replace them with fake ones.
I just had one tooth pulled, and the dentist wants to pull more. He says that my past life of drugs and partying has pushed my teeth to the point of no return. The dentist wants to replace my upper teeth with a set of dentures. The thought of dentures sickens me but, I have to accept this as a part of the wreckage of my past and move on. Luckily, my lower teeth are in good shape. The doctor said that most of my decay is probably from my severe acid reflux and consistent vomiting after a long day of drugs and alcohol. I know this sounds terrible but this is the ugly truth of the kind of life I was living on the streets. I just continue to thank God every day for saving my life, and giving me yet another chance to turn around and make a difference.
Monday, January 28, 2013
I can’t believe that I didn’t push myself to work out this hard a long time ago! I feel so alive and rejuvenated! Every day it gets easier and easier to do a little more and work out a little harder. After I finish my routine each day, I feel so relaxed, not just physically but also emotionally and mentally as I drop pounds and gain muscle tone, there is also this major emotional burden that I’ve been carrying around for so long that it’s lifting away from my shoulders, creating this peaceful and calming sensation in my life and it’s absolutely invigorating. It gives me the motivation to continue each day, and also to push myself harder. It’s my new drug. I’m finally addicted to something that’s good for me, and helps me to live a longer, more enriched life which is completely opposite to the way I’ve been living life for so many years.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Summary things have changed since I was first arrested. I had zero direction in my life, I was moving backward instead of forward, I was near death, actually walking dead, and now I’m born again. I want success in my life that I’m striving for. I want the love and trust of my family and friends, and now I’m taking the necessary steps to get that back. When I first came to terms with their repercussions of my crime, realizing I was about to serve some years in prison, I told myself I was going to take advantage of my time by getting a bunch of tattoos all over my arms and chest, get big and muscular, and drink a lot of hooch, smoke a bunch of weed. Now I have a new direction with goals and focus completely on a better future for myself and my family upon release. I decided not to get a single tattoo, or have a single sip of alcohol or take of weed, or other drugs. I no longer just want to be a big and muscular person, I want to be healthy and fit, so I can live a longer more fulfilling life. My goals, my decisions, and everything I do supersede these prison walls. My sobriety has allowed me to mature, to grow up, and understand what’s most important in life, love, family, trust, respect, integrity, honesty and the many other morals and values that make the quality of life worth living.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Being in prison has been a total life-changing experience for me. Prison is given me an opportunity to view many aspects of my life in a completely different light. I have a great deal of respect for so many things I took for granted in my very clouded, drug addicted life on the streets. Life is such a funny word with several different meanings. I wasn’t really living life on the street; I was dying inside and out. Body and soul. Drugs clouded everything in my life. Getting locked up, woke me up, made me realize, I had to either stop using substances or die. I chose life! After 24 months of sobriety, so many thoughts and emotions that lay dormant for so many years of suppressing, that I forgot how to even cope with and balance out these foreign feelings. Although many of these thoughts and emotions are overwhelming to me, they’re still exhilarating, they make me feel alive again, and I wouldn’t trade this for the world.
Friday, January 25, 2013
All of these crazy frigid temperatures and snow storms don’t affect us one single bit in these piping hot cells. I continue to wear nothing more than a pair of shorts, with the window open, hoping for a cool breeze. My stamina for working out has continued to increase dramatically this last month, or so, since I made a conscious decision to step up the quality of my daily goals and activities in this New Year. All I can say is, I feel amazing. Not just physically, but all around, the dark cloud that I would effortlessly hang over my head is now having a hard time sticking around. I feel so great; I’m kicking myself for not giving myself the extra push sooner. Like they say better now than never.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
I seem to be going through another writer’s block. My daily routine is still very consistent and is much busier but, the days remain the same as the days prior, unchanged. From a prisoner standpoint, consistency and repetition of good days are not necessarily a bad thing. Normally, when something changes in here, it’s because something bad has happened, such as a fight, a locked down, a theft, etc. Getting into a daily routine helps the time move a little faster. Not that I don’t welcome change, because I do, just things like getting my security level lowered, or transferring to a better prison, or a comforting visit from my beautiful daughter, Caitlin, that I’ve only had the pleasure of seeing once, since my arrival to prison, and twice in my two years of being in lockup.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Staying busy each day is really helping to ease the pain of doing time. Between reading helpful books, submitting book reports, submitting written work from lessons out of the Straight A Guide workbook, writing my autobiography, fitness routines, and of course my daily journal entry writing, morning turns to night, days and weeks, weeks to months, and time keeps passing me by. And it’s not just stagnant, unaccomplished time; I can look back at the days and be satisfied that I’m making a conscious effort to improve the quality of my life and my future.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Yesterday’s 30 Car Hwy. pileup makes national news, it’s not very often that we see, or hear about an Ohio incident making national news but yesterday morning, a whiteout that made driving visibility nearly impossible was the cause of so many cars crashing into each other, one right after another, drivers just couldn’t react until it was too late. Fortunately there could’ve been a lot more injuries. I only hope that no one in my family was involved in the accidents.
That’s a terrible thing about watching the news from around my hometown, I’m always left wondering if one of the tragedies is a friend, or family member, because there’s no way of finding out. I used to never even watch the news because almost all news is bad news. The reason that I’m now so drawn to the news is because it connects me to the reality of the real world and society that I’ve been so unplugged from. In my current situation, I guess I’ll take what I can get in order to feel alive.
Monday, January 21, 2013
More history in the making, as we watch our first black president second inauguration on the very same day that we all celebrate the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King Junior. The United States as well as rest of the world is made a great many changes in my generation. It only makes one wonder what the world would be like for our children and the future generations to come.
All this exercise is increased my appetite dramatically. I only wish that the food on Commissary was healthier. Eating the same old couple noodles gets old really fast. I love eating packs of tuna but, even that gets old day after day. Potato Chips used to be one of my favorite snacks, not only does it seem like a chore eating them but they’re also fattening and I now have to watch what I eat because I can gain weight so fast. It feels funny to say that I have to watch my weight because I’ve been skinny my entire life. Now I’m realizing that I’ve been skinny for most of these later years, not because of my metabolism but because of my lengthy drug addiction. I see now that I wasn’t really eating much day-to-day, in fact, I was eating more pills than food every day. I just thank God that I still have a healthy, working liver along with the rest of my body. So now I’m trying to find ways to eat healthier foods and still get full after my workouts. Eating for health is so much more satisfying than eating for taste.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
I just had a great visit with my mom. Just her mere presence is therapeutic and spiritually uplifting. I always prepare for my visits by creating a mental list of questions to catch up on life in the outside world, and topics of conversation to utilize our two hours to the fullest. No matter how much I prepare, I always seem to miss a few key topics but that’s okay because it gives us something to talk about the next time.
Walking back to my unit from visitation, I was stunned by the swarm of guards running to another unit where there must have been a group of several men fighting. I didn’t see the fight however; I did see the up-to-date weaponry used for crowd control in the hands of many guards. Many of them ran with night sticks and giant cans of mace and other guards were carrying what looked like grenades and big paint ball guns, loaded with either rubber bullets or mace of some sort.