by Steven Dybvad

Monday, November 12, 2012

Today is one of those days I just draw a blank when trying to think about what to write down in my Journal? My mother suggested I do more to stimulate my brain, or write about more topics that don’t necessarily relate to what’s going on with my life right now. So I took my mother’s advice and started to finish some of the books I started reading a while ago. So I spent most of the early afternoon reading “Law Man” an autobiography about a convicted bank robber who found redemption and changed his life. I look forward to submitting more book reports, available for all to read on a separate section of my website.

I feel much better today, having taken my mother’s advice to do more with my day. I feel much more relaxed, with my mind at ease, knowing I’ve taken more time in my life to move forward with accomplishing goals set for my future.

by Steven Dybvad

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Yesterday I made a promise to my mother that I would get out of my normal state of funk that I’ve been getting stuck in and start working harder on my goals and creating a stronger daily routine for myself.  Once of my goals for life and making a change is being a man of my word, a man that people can trust and I’m very committed to being that man.

I continue to enjoy watching Joel Osteen on Sunday mornings.  I’ve been to a lot of churches and heard a lot of preachers in my life and I’ve often found it difficult to focus my complete attention on their entire gospel.  Joel has a gift with words and format; he has a special way of captivating his audience.  Joel possesses this same ability in the books that he’s written and I would recommend them to any God fearing man or woman.

by Steven Dybvad

Saturday, November 10, 2012

I started getting really upset while having to continue waiting to be let out of my cell almost an entire hour past my scheduled two hour visit with my mom.  Then finally, they let me out of my cell to go on my visit, leaving me and my mother with only an hour left to spend with each other.  I was very upset that half of our visit together was taken from us but, as soon as I saw my mother’s face, all of that frustration disappeared.  Seeing my mother is like getting a piece of my heart back, no matter how brief the time we spend together is.  Mom has this magical power of restoring and rejuvenating my mind, heart and should.  Thank you so much for always making time to come and visit with me.  I know it’s not easy to see your son in a place like this.  I love you so very much!

by Steven Dybvad

Friday, November 9, 2012

Tomorrow I have the joy of my mother blessing me with her presence on a visit.  These are the highlights of my life as a prisoner and I cherish every moment.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my two beautiful children growing older and all of the important changes, small or large that I will continue to miss out on and never be a part of.  I also can’t stop wondering how hurt they are by me and how often they thing about their father not being there for them when they really need me the most.  My soul aches every single day for my children.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I’m at a total loss of words again to write about in my journal.  Absolutely nothing has changed in these last few weeks and I just don’t know what to say anymore.  I hate me for what I’ve done to the lives of my family and me.  Something the only thing I can see ahead of me is the years of incarceration that I have left to serve.  My current length of sobriety has opened my eyes to new world guilt for my past and my environment adds tenfold to the pain.  I can see why inmates that weren’t even addicts or alcoholics on the street tend to pick up substances like drugs and hooch in here in order to help ease the anguish of doing time.  One thing that I continue to thank God for every day is for removing my desires for said substances and replacing my desire with a heightened sense of fear of drugs and alcohol.  The thought of returning to the very thing that led me away from my loved ones and toward the path of utter destruction scares me to death.  I am so thankful for this healthy fear and I pray every day that it never goes away.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Well it looks like another four years of Obama.  I just hope and pray that he is going to follow through, take drastic measures and do something major about increasing jobs and lowering the unemployment rate.   

Looks like Ill also be stepping out into a world where marijuana is now accepted in the eyes of the law.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it should have been legalized way before alcohol ever was but, my problem exists with marijuana at its core and it always leads to harsher, more powerful drugs.  There is no doubt or hesitation that I will make my recovery the number one priority in my life for the rest of my life, it’s just the thought of using marijuana legally and guilt free adds to the temptation, just like an alcoholic who fights the urge to stop at the bar for just one drink on the way home from a hard day’s work.  Like any successful recovering alcoholic, it gets easier with time so I thank God for giving me five years of sobriety and practice for the real world, but reality is that it will always be a conscious effort that’s taken one day at a time.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Today is the big day we’ve all been waiting for, Election Day!  We finally get to find out if Obama will remain our president or if Romney will get to take the reins and make some substantial changes in our nation’s job growth and economy.   This election is extremely important to me because when I’m released in the year 2016, I’ll be stepping into a nation that this new presidency will create.  My career hangs in the balance between Obama and Romney.

The heat in this cell is absolutely horrible!  It’s just like summer all over again.  Hot, humid, muggy and just down right uncomfortable.  Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and beat on a punching bag.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a violent person at all, never have been and I never will be.  I just have so much bottled up inside my soul that I don’t know what to do with it.  This is just another consequential result of my prolonged drug usage and not knowing how to positively deal with these bent up emotions without medicating with some kind of mind or mood altering substance.  Granted I could do drugs or drink in here just as easily as I did on the streets, but I never forget that drugs led me here in the first place and the thought of drugs back in my life scares me to death.

by Steven Dybvad

November 5, 2012

Today is one of those days that I just can’t figure out what to write in my journal.   So I’ve got an idea, now I don’t know exactly how many people invest their time in reading my blog, but I could certainly use some help.  Does anyone have some suggestions?  Is there anything you would like to read about my daily living in Lebanon Correctional Institution?  Ha!   Now that’s a hilarious word to go with a name for a prison.  If there is anybody who would like to write me or ask me a question, I would be happy to respond.  Here is my address:  

Steven A Dybvad # A 665418

Lebanon Correctional Institute

PO Box 56

Lebanon, OH  45036

I just miss my family so much it hurts every day I’m in here away from them while life goes on out there in the real world.  I so badly want to be a participating functioning member of my family that I find myself day dreaming about it more often than I should.

by Steven Dybvad

Sunday, November 4, 2012

With the length of my sobriety growing with every day that passes comes powerful emotions and vividly clear thoughts that I’ve been numb to for so many years. On one hand it’s difficult for me to control and deal with, on the other hand these thoughts and emotions are invigorating for me and I welcome both the good and the bad because no matter what the feelings are they make me feel human again, they help me understand that I still have a big and caring heart and that even though I’m going through a difficult time in my life, life isn’t over and I can still be the responsible, loving man, father and son I’ve always known I could be.

by Steven Dybvad

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Some days are much more difficult to deal with than others. My mind starts to race about the length of time I have remaining and everything else that will come to pass with the sands of time. The longer my mind gets fixated on these thoughts the greater my depression kicks in. I realize and understand the severity of my actions that led me up to this point in my life but, the consequences are extremely hard to swallow. For most of my life I’ve been slipping through the cracks of suffering for my actions, and now I’m finally tangled in this horrible web I’ve woven into my drug induced life.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, November 1, 2012

I hope my children and their friends were able to enjoy their Halloween and still get some candy regardless of the weather and its terrible timing.

Another store day today. They come so fast and I never stop stressing out at the thought of transporting my food from store to cell without getting assaulted and robbed on the way back. It’s mostly all in my own head but, I just can’t escape the fear of the unknown. Often when I have these thoughts I ultimately pondered the idea that I somehow deserve something like this to happen to me for all of the pain that my past choices have caused others. What comes around goes around that phrase always comes in the mind on store day. All I can do is pray to God for his safe protection to make it through this day unharmed and just hope for the best.

Well, thank the Lord I made it through another store day without any problems.

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