by Steven Dybvad

Friday, October 19, 2012

I’m really starting to take my current life situation into a much better perspective. I know that a lot of my day to day stress comes from my own head and I just need to find better, more productive ways to control my negative thoughts. This book that I just started reading the “Untethered Soul” helps me to understand that lot of my stress is self-inflicted and it can be controlled. The voice in my head is constantly putting a sour spin on my life but, I realize that I don’t have to listen to that voice, that voice isn’t me and it doesn’t have to control me. The book also quotes a lot of philosophers throughout history and relates the messages in correlation with the present.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Another store day has come and gone without any incidents as usual, this is a very stressful day for me, and it also turns out to be a very relieving day in the end. This roller coaster of emotions is always very jarring for my mind, body.

I read an article in men’s health magazine, talks about how badly stress can take a major role in our health, making even more difficult to achieve a level of fitness. This tells me one thing, I just need to let go and let God do his Almighty work. I already know in my heart that much of my fear and paranoia is self-inflicted. I just need to find more healthy ways to cope with my surroundings and to let go of some of this baggage that I continue to carry around.

I just picked up a book that my mother ordered me it’s called the “Untethered Soul”. I think this book will be very helpful for my current problems of thinking errors. It seems to be a very interesting book about freeing the mind, tearing down at boundaries, finding inner peace, and transforming my relationship with myself.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I was very impressed with the heated debate last night. Both parties made some very valid points. I think there are opportunities to speak on certain topics run a much more level playing ground.

It’s amazing how much election depends onOhio’s votes in order to win, so much that were called the swing state.

I hate watching the news because it’s always bad, often it’s not even completely true but, sometimes I’m drawn to it for a taste of the world outside these walls. I was very emotional to see a 12-year-old child died writing in his bike when he was hit by a car just down the road from my son’s house. What really bothered me about this is how easily it could have been my son.  Taylor’s always writing his bike around, too far from home, with his brother who’s younger than the boy that was just struck by a car. I hate myself for not being able to do a thing about this. Taylor and his three siblings are very often unsupervised. All I can do is watch the news and pray nothing happens.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I can’t stop thinking about the wonderful visits I have what my children come to see me. It’s also very difficult for me to snap out of the depression that not being free with my family places me in. I’m always apprehensive about writing this down for fear that my mother will hesitate to bring them the next time. What she doesn’t understand is that not seeing my children is even more depressing. Nonetheless, I am truly grateful for my parents who make visitation with my family and children even possible. I am forever in debt for the many countless blessings that my mother and father have bestowed upon me.

Tonight is another important night for television, the second debate between Romney and our president. I’m very anxious to see in here what these two have to say to each other.

by Steven Dybvad

Monday, October 15, 2012

I just got back from a 90 day checkup with Dr. I’m very happy to report that he gave me a clean bill of health. I was taking a pill for high cholesterol that I was prescribed in the County jail, which was more than likely all of the Ra-men noodles I was eating a lot of. Ra-men noodle seasoning packets are loaded with sodium and since I’ve stopped eating Ra-men noodles altogether, not only has my cholesterol levels gone down to a normal level, I’ve also lost over 50 pounds! Before I left the County jail to prison, I weighed 265 pounds today I’m quite pleased to say that I weigh 208 pounds. The doctor even told me I can stop taking the cholesterol medicine Having good health is just one less thing I need to be worrying about in this current life of constant worries.

by Steven Dybvad

Friday, October 12, 2012

I just got a pass for a Sunday visit with my family these are the times that I look forward to more than anything else. I cherish every second I get with them. Time with my family and children are a constant reminder of what I’m working toward a more promising successful future for. Even though it’s very difficult to watch my family leave, knowing that I won’t be free, leaving for home with them for another 3 1/2 years, my visits give me the fuel I need to face another day.

My bunky received his books and Straight A assignments from Justin Paperny, and he has already started working in reading. This is great for the both of us. I’m blessed to have such a good bunky that wants to work on making it a better future for his life.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Sometimes I really wish I didn’t stopped taking antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and pills that were helping me with sleep. Now I can’t sleep, sometimes I just can’t think straight, or focus and often my emotions get the best of me. Sometimes my predicament makes me so depressed that it feels like I have a ton of bricks to carry around. It’s getting easier to talk myself out of this state of mind, sometimes I just can’t shake it no matter what I do.

They lock everybody down early today because there was a large chunk of metal missing from the guard’s desk. My bunk he says it was the leg of the desk. So the guards started shaking every cell down and before they could finish another guard found the metal leg in a trashcan. I’m sure there’s probably a lot of pissed off inmates they had to flush alcohol down the toilet and stuff drugs up their butts, among hiding or discarding weapons and other things that would cause them to get a ticket or go to the hole.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Today I’ve been trying to catch up on writing letters back friends. I’m blessed to have so many good, loving people in my life.

I’ve literally sat here all afternoon with my pen in hand just wondering about what to write in my journal. All my mind is doing right now is thinking about all the pain and heartache that my drug addiction has caused me and my family. I’ve done so very many hurtful things and have committed so many criminal acts will intoxicated in order to purchase more substances. Things that I never would have even thought about doing well sober and now look where it’s gotten me.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

It’s just another day in prison. I haven’t stepped 1 foot out of my cell since last Thursday when I had to go to the store. So what can I write about? Well for one, my magazines and very possibly my personal mail is continuing to get dropped off in other people cells. How do I know this? I’m supposed to get a magazine called the week, once a week and I haven’t received it in three straight weeks. Certain inmates have given me my own mail that was dropped off in their cell the night before but, let’s face it my mail goes to other cells, nine times out of 10 these guys aren’t going to give me my mail, especially if they don’t know me, most people don’t even know who I am and especially if it’s reading material like a magazine. So it’s left up to the guard on duty to do their job, give mail to the proper person, and quite frankly I just don’t care, especially since their coworkers have lost employment because of the Postal Service taking their jobs of checking incoming mail. These guards are obviously not getting reprimanded for their actions because they continue to do. All I can do is file a formal complaint and I’ve already done so.

by Steven Dybvad

Monday, October 8, 2012

The extreme temperatures in here are ridiculous. Now it gets really cold in the cells. This prison doesn’t provide any warm close like long-sleeved shirts or sweatpants. They only give us to sheets and a very thin, very light blanket it just doesn’t stand up to the frigid temperatures. I’m told that the heating vents work really well in here but they won’t even turn the heat on until mid-November. Needless to say this is going to be another long month.

I often sit quietly with pen in hand and notepad in lap with absolutely nothing to write about. Sometimes it’s easy to think of something to write about; other times I draw complete blanks. Some people might think it should be easy to write about things when you have nothing else to do all day. What I couldn’t be any further from the truth. When today is exactly the same as yesterday and the many consecutive days prior to that, what is there really to talk about others might try to compare my daily work to Michael’s work, and how he wrote many pages every day towards the end of his sentence. This is very true and I have a deep-rooted respect for Michael and his accomplishments. But what some readers need to consider is how Michael spent the first 10 years of his sentence educating himself. Michael spent seven years studying in order to obtain his Masters degree, another year and a half learning law, after that he immersed himself in the stock market. He accomplished many things before moving on to his writing career. When Michael really started writing, he had many many years of prison experience to write about every day. Also after he transferred to better prisons, he found more opportunities in safer environments to interview other inmates on top of the personal experience from his own sentence. These are luxuries I don’t have. I still do my best to write about what I can.

by Steven Dybvad

Saturday, October 6, 2012

These cockroaches are driving me up the wall! Every time I turn around I see one crawling up the wall, sitting on top of something, or even inside of something. At night I wake up to the feeling of one crawling on me, just in time to watch a scatter away to where I can’t find or catch it. When I do catch one all I can do is flush it down the toilet for concern that is carrying eggs, full of a whole new batch of baby cockroaches. Nevertheless, this makes no difference at all, they just keep on coming.

The showers have been broken for almost 2 weeks now. Often awash in the sink, but it’s never completely refreshing.

by Steven Dybvad

Friday, October 5, 2012

Well I watched the debate and now I’m even more undecided than I was before. They both have valid points and say that they’re going to do good things for the country, they also both bringing negative aspect that will hurt our nation. So the big question is who is the lesser of two evils? Who can we trust Western Mark I thought the debate would shed more light on who we should vote for, now I’m just a little more confused. Can either of them really save this country?

Today I’m finishing up my father’s birthday card. His birthday is five days from now, on October 10. When I was on the streets, free itself from prison to a drug-induced state of mind, the only birthdays I could remember where my children’s. Even then I couldn’t always get them good gifts because the only thing I was supporting was my drug habit. I was living a mere existence. Not only being able to remember my father’s birthday, also being able to make him a card that comes from my clear heart and mind is a great reminder that my life is finally headed in the right direction.

Copyright 2019 The Michael G. Santos Foundation