by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Today was another stressful store day. My trip to and from the commissary has come and gone with no problems but it still doesn’t change how much I stress out beforehand. This can’t possibly be good for my health, so I have to find ways of overcoming this fear factor. Long story short, I just can’t wait to get transferred out of this wretched place. I’m trying hard and making good progress to live the same way that Michael Santos did for so many years. The way I choose to live in here is extremely rare, and it’s not an easy task. I feel tremendously well about my choices to live a positive, healthy, fulfilling life, away from the terrible cultures of prison life that sucks so many people into the path of destruction. This however doesn’t change the level of difficulty and stress that I continuously feel from day-to-day. Just like right now they’re testing the alarm system, now usually when the alarm goes off they unlock all of our cells and have is pile up in the cafeteria. This is also stressful but, today the alarm just keeps on going off and they’re not making us go to the cafeteria. So every time the alarm goes off my heart skips a beat. This can’t be good for the old ticker.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I haven’t been feeling too great lately headaches nausea lack of energy and soreness. At first I thought it was because I have been working out extra hardly taking advantage of the cooler weather. Now I’m starting to think it’s because I’m not eating enough food, or consuming enough daily nutrients that my body requires. Working out harder also means I’m burning off even more valuable nutrients. I do drink plenty of water all day; I’m just not consuming enough food. It’s not because of lack of food, or lack of hunger, it’s the lack of variety in the quality of the food takes away any desire to eat. Sometimes I’ll just eat a handful of chips the whole day, and now my body is telling me to do something about it. So now I’m forcing myself to eat more for my health.

Tonight is an important night for America to be watching television. Tonight is a presidential debate I believe that our country takes two totally different paths depending on who we will elect as our president. I have been following this election more than any other election in my lifetime. When I’m released from prison, I’ll either be suffering from or reaping the benefits of our president’s future four-year term. I read everything I can about both Obama and Romney in order to formulate a good insight on the both of them. I’m very interested to see what they have to say and I hope they don’t continue to do the dance around some very serious issues about our nation.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

On Sunday one of the guards yelled at me after I tried to ask if they had called me for my visit. It was already 15 min. after the time of my visit so naturally I assumed the guards were failing to do their job and notify me. The guard literally screamed so loud at me that the other inmates stopped what they were doing and Turner heads of us. My heart is strong enough that he didn’t scare me, or hurt my feelings. I’m fully aware that a lot of these guards act out a lifetime of personal issues, which is why many of them even work here in the first place. However what does bother me is the guard’s careless disregard for my safety, by screaming at me, I should have made nasty comments to him in order to save face in front of the other inmates. This is a common past time for guards, and creates many unnecessary problems within the system.

by Steven Dybvad

Monday, October 1, 2012

I’m still glowing from the wonderful visit with my son. Although it’s very difficult for me to deal with depression of being reminded that I can be a guiding father in these very important years ofTaylor’s childhood life. Both of my children suffer for the terrible decisions I’ve made and it this does not sit well with me. Now that my mind is clear and my heart and soul is open it’s very easy for me to dwell on the past. So I have to continue to remind myself of what’s done is done, I can’t change the past but I can change the direction of my future, and the future for my family. Often I have to repeat positive words of encouragement to myself a mantra in order to make the day productive for myself. In the past today would have been very easy for me to fall into depression from missing my son butTaylor’s love guides me to a new future in a better way to live.

by Steven Dybvad

Sunday, September 30, 2012

I’m so full of anxiety, I’ve been waiting a long time to see my boy, I’m also grateful to be able to have such emotions for my family and my life. I’ve always had a great deal love for my family but now I have a much deeper stronger more powerful respect and love for my life and the world around me. Not just censor stopped abusing narcotics it’s also the non-narcotic so-called mood stabilizing drugs that I was taking as prescribed. They were more like mood locking drugs. For over three months now I’ve quit taking my once prescribed antidepressants, and I feel like 1 million bucks. I made a promise to myself to stop polluting my body with any and every chemical substance, one day at a time I continue to fulfill that promise, one day at a time for the rest of my life I will continue moving forward, and only looking back to remind myself of how far I’ve come. Sometimes my emotions are very overwhelming and hard to deal with because this is a foreign way to live for me but I welcome it and I thank the Lord every day that I continue to be as sensitive man, not allowing this prison to change my character.

Today is a glorious day! I had an amazing time with my son. It went very well Taylor relaxed and opened his character for me and my parents to see he couldn’t get enough hugs for me, melting my heart the entire time. I choked back the tears to stay strong for Taylor. He made us all laugh and have a great time. It was comforting to see how well he and my father get along. Taylor reminds me so much of when I was a boy. I just couldn’t have asked God for better visit than the one we had, so today I rejoice and bask in the memories.

by Steven Dybvad

Saturday, September 29, 2012

What tomorrow is the day that I finally get to see my son very I’m so nervous. I’ve been thinking all week about what I’m going to say to him. Right now I’m torn between what I want to say to Taylor and what I need to say to Taylor. But I can’t forget that I haven’t been around Taylor in almost 2 long years, that’s almost a third of his seven-year life. Taylor needs a great deal of guidance from someone that he’ll really listen to, and I’m probably the only man that Taylor will respectfully listen to. But more than anything else, right now I need Taylor to know how much I love him and miss him, I need him to enjoy his visit with me, so that he’ll hold a strong desire to want to come and see me again. After all I still have another long 3 1/2 years to go and I just can’t ruin Taylor’s first impression of visiting with his daddy. I’m definitely going to encourage them to listen better and follow the rules of life will juggling my love and affection along with discipline. I only pray that God helps to guide my words.

by Steven Dybvad

Friday, September 28, 2012

I read a book called the “Law Man” by Shon Hopwood. I will of course be writing a book report about it along with my other book reports on Michael Santos is book, but I could relate to Sean and his book about his struggles with life before prison much better than the other books I’ve read. I don’t want to say too much, because then I won’t have anything left to right in my report. To find out more, my book reports are also on the website.

When comparing the seasons, there’s only one thing bad about the cold so far. My laundry takes a very long time to dry. Almost too long, to the point where the damp clothes starts to turn sour before drawing. I had to re-washed my sheets and close, then turn on my fan and pointed at the close line. The fan makes it a little chillier in my cell but it’s much more tolerable than the heat. Plus I don’t even have to do as much laundry when I’m not perspiring all over everything.

I’ve been stepping up my daily activities lately and it feels great to sit back and take a good look at how far I’ve come since the day of my arrest, how much I’m continuing to do with myself, and the future goals I’ve specifically laid out for the near future and for the duration of my life.

The cooler weather makes it much easier to maintain a regular and steady work out. I can really see and feel a change with my body and health. Normally I do push-ups, crunches and jumping jacks but lately I’ve been running in place a lot more often thanks to the cooler temperatures.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I saw one of my friends that I’ve known since my years as a teenager on the news. This is the second time I’ve seen him on the Miami Valley’s most wanted. I know him pretty well as we periodically spent a lot of time hanging out together over the last 15 years. We have even live together a few different times as roommates in what we called animal houses. We did a lot of drinking, drugs, woman, pillaging and plundering. Only a few short months prior to my arrest, I was hanging out with my friend and his girlfriend every day, searching for ways to support our expensive drug addictions to several different substances. Even though I hate seeing my friend, who also has children on the top 10 most wanted criminal list, it’s a hard reminder that life goes on, nothing has changed, and if I don’t continue to attack my problems head-on, my problems will undoubtedly attack me and stop at nothing to take my life and the lives around me. So today I say a prayer for my friend, his family and praise glory to God for saving my life.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Words just can’t describe how good it felt to get a happy birthday message from my wonderful daughter Caitlin she certainly made my day a better one.

My mother also sent me a happy birthday wish, as well as friends Scott and Peri.

My mom also touched my heart by going into detail about the entire day of my birth in the things that occurred before she went into labor with me. I’ve always known how deeply my mother loves me, but the picture she drew in the story of my birth and how I changed her life forever really touched my heart. I could feel my mother’s love for the paper she wrote on. Thank you mom, I just don’t know what I would do without you.

I was very surprised to see the size of my new Joel Osteen book when I went to pick it up from the package room today. It fits in the palm of my hand; it’s smaller than the little New Testament Bibles that the Gideon’s are always passing out to people. Nonetheless it’s a good read, just like the rest of Osteen’s books.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Today I turned 33 years old. I must say that this is by far my least favorite birthday of them all. I’m not depressed about it; I just don’t like the thought of growing older in here. Last night, while lying in bed, for the first time I finally catch elated how old I’m going to be when I leave this godforsaken place. I’ll be 36 years old. I’m not sure why I haven’t thought about my age up until now. When ever I thought about the length of time I’ll be serving in the past, I thought about how old my children are going to be and how much more of their lives I’m going to have to miss out on, and how long they will have to go through life without their father.

Today I celebrate another day sober and another step closer to life as a law-abiding citizen, growing as a contributing member of society and family, victory is mine!

Being able to read positive messages from Justin Paperny about my work and how he uses it as a reference for funding with big corporations that provide funding to this program and helping it stay afloat. These are spiritually uplifting and motivational music to my ears.

I’ve been thinking about a program that can help deserving parents earn custody of their children. I’m not going to give away my idea, but their are many steps one can take that needs documented supervision by reliable, upstanding people in the community to show that the mother or father has changed their lives around in order to be there for their child or children. There are many things that just hiring an attorney cant do for us, this service would go the extra mile for a fee, and I’m sure that there are many deserving parents that would pay for this service.

by Steven Dybvad

Monday, September 24, 2012

These are very important times for my daughter Caitlin and just like the many important occasions in her past, once again on the absentee father. I’ve missed so many important life-changing events in my daughter’s life and as a result I’ve created so many negative memories of myself for my daughter. She is turned into such an amazing young woman; I only wish I could take credit for how she turned out. I’m so so thankful for my wonderful parents who’ve been to over backwards to teach my daughter and bring culture into her life. I so eagerly want to be a close friend and a great father that my princes can depend on.

Thanks to the joy of J pay, Caitlin and I are communicating more often now than we ever have since my incarceration. Now we’ve taken a turn for the better and I can only hope and pray that our relationship grows stronger and become closer to each other with time.

My parents and I addressed some areas of activity in my daily living that I should step up. I’m so blessed and fortunate that I have a strong supportive family in my life, a family that will never hesitate to hold me accountable, show me the raw truth, and give me that extra push that I so desperately need from time to time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, I didn’t ruin my life and the lives of others in a day, and I certainly can’t take a magic pill to completely change my life around recover the many things in life that I’ve lost over time. If I want a new life and believe me I do I have to work hard to get it every day and I have to work even harder to keep it.

by Steven Dybvad

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I was supposed to get a visit from my parents today, but didn’t get a pass today.  I’m concerned and I hope that all is well.  I hate being stuck in a cell without any kind of information as to what happened or what’s going on with the outside.  It is the most frustrating times and worries.

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