by Steven Dybvad

Monday, August 27, 2012

The humidity is back in full swing and it is driving me crazy.  I just can’t wait for the summer to be over.  This heat is exhausting, it robs me of energy.

It’s unbelievable how childish these Presidential elections can be.  All they seem to do is advertise, ridicule and blow petty comments way out of proportion.  Instead they should be broadcasting their plans to do great things with this country that needs all the help of the world leaders.  This country is falling apart and the best topic of conversation they can come up with is Birth Certificates!  Oh come on guys!

by Steven Dybvad

Sunday, September 9, 2012

It feels great to be busy, getting work done, staying off of the pity pot.

Some days it is difficult to think about what else I can log on my journal entry, today is one of those days.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just means that there’s no new news to announce.  Inside prison, 90 percent of the time, no news is good news.

I just want to thank everybody who continues to follow me on my blog and have faith that I’m continuing to make a change for my life in here.   Thank you from the depth of my soul!

by Steven Dybvad

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Living inside these walls can be extremely difficult.  It’s very hard to accept that I still have another 3 ½ years to endure.  At least I am back in my routine, getting work done, helping the time go by smoother and faster.

I was just forced to go sit in the recreation room while the guards performed a random cell search.  I think my previous bunky might have done something in the past to red flag this cell for regular searches.  This is the fifth time they’ve searched my cell in the short amount of time I’ve been here.  My new bunky has been here almost an entire year and prior to this, he hasn’t had a shakedown up until now.  Cell searches no longer bother me, but after this many searches, finding nothing incriminating, you would think that they’d focus their attention on more important areas of this prison than mine.

by Steven Dybvad

Friday, September 7, 2012

I realize that even though I stay clear of any form of mind or mood altering substances, I don’t associate with gangs or people for that matter, I don’t get tattoos, I don’t borrow things or get loans until store day, I don’t go to the chow hall, etc.  Plain and simple, even though I stay far away from any and all prison corruption, or activities, I notice that I did take a temporary step back.  I allowed my depression to get the best of me.  I started slacking on my reading, writing and workbook assignments.  I fell into a hopeless state of “Woe is me”!  This is an old and way too familiar and primitive form of living, feeling and thinking for me.  But you know what?  I still see growth.  I’ve done a great deal of good with my strength and knowledge for life.  To be able to notice that I started falling behind is progress.  To say hey, I’ve got 18 months sober!  That is progress.  To stare in the face of adversity at its peak and continue to live above these prison standards, not subject myself to the evils that lurk around every corner is progress!  Every day I continue to thank the Lord for helping me conquer these most difficult times in my life thus far.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Today has been a very stressful day for me, but I’m relieved to say it end on a good foot.  Today was store day; we only go to the store once every two weeks.  This being my first time shopping since the incident, I was convinced I would face an altercation on the way back to my cell with my groceries.  Even though I do pray every day, I prayed extra-long and extra hard for God to protect me today.  The Lord answered my prayers and set my mind at ease.   Some guys asked me why I never come out of my cell and I tell them I do it to stay out of trouble and that there is no one or no reason for me to come out anyway, besides that, I never wanted to associate with anybody before the altercation in the first place. 

I feel as if I just conquered Mt Everest and discarded a backpack carrying a ton of bricks.  Another guy who knows a little bit about my situation says I don’t have to worry about anything else.  He says that they were just trying to scare me and get me to pay them and because I held my ground, refusing to pay anyone a single dime, they won’t mess with me anymore.  Although it was a relief to hear this, I still don’t trust a soul in here and I will not let my guard down for one second.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I realize that the incident on the yard is a blessing in disguise.  God continues to remind me that this is no life to live.  Even though I hate this place, I’m glad that life in here is full of adversities, trials and tribulations that are a constant reminder to stay on the path of changing my life and making a difference with every step along the way.

I’m just going to call this past week “Recovery and Rehabilitation” from a few very minor bumps and bruises and get my butt back in the saddle.   Back to my reading, back to my writing, back to my workbook, back to earning my freedom.   Triumph over this God forsaken Prison!

Don’t get me wrong, because I never gave up, I just made an excuse to slack off and feel sorry for myself.  That’s an old, unhealthy way of thinking, it’s gotten me nowhere in the past except for backwards.  Well I’ll be damned if I continue to feel sorry for myself, I’m much too strong and smart to continue living life like that.

This is a rare opportunity for me to focus every minute of every day on changing my life for the rest of my life and I’m not going to screw this up.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I realize that the incident on the yard is a blessing in disguise.  God continues to remind me that this is no life to live.  Even though I hate this place, I’m glad that life in here is full of adversities, trials and tribulations that are a constant reminder to stay on the path of changing my life and making a difference with every step along the way. 

I’m just going to call this past week “Recovery and Rehabilitation” from a few very minor bumps and bruises and get my butt back in the saddle.   Back to my reading, back to my writing, back to my workbook, back to earning my freedom.   Triumph over this God forsaken Prison!

Don’t get me wrong, because I never gave up, I just made an excuse to slack off and feel sorry for myself.  That’s an old, unhealthy way of thinking, it’s gotten me nowhere in the past except for backwards.  Well I’ll be damned if I continue to feel sorry for myself, I’m much too strong and smart to continue living life like that.

This is a rare opportunity for me to focus every minute of every day on changing my life for the rest of my life and I’m not going to screw this up.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

That’s it!  I’m through with living in a state of depression!  This is an old way of thinking for me and it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere but backwards in life!  I believe what makes this so traumatic for me is that I haven’t been this sensitive to the world around me since I was a child.  I’m on my eighteenth month of true sobriety.  I’ve never been sober this long.  I think faster, I remember more and I feel more emotions than I’ve ever felt.  The smallest things make me tear up when nobody’s watching.  For years and years I’ve been smoking pot every day from the time I wake up until I pass out at night.  Now that I have a clear heart and mind I have to train myself to deal with the issues in life without the use of drugs.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

That’s it!  I’m through with living in a state of depression!  This is an old way of thinking for me and it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere but backwards in life!  I believe what makes this so traumatic for me is that I haven’t been this sensitive to the world around me since I was a child.  I’m on my eighteenth month of true sobriety.  I’ve never been sober this long.  I think faster, I remember more and I feel more emotions than I’ve ever felt.  The smallest things make me tear up when nobody’s watching.  For years and years I’ve been smoking pot every day from the time I wake up until I pass out at night.  Now that I have a clear heart and mind I have to train myself to deal with the issues in life without the use of drugs.

by Steven Dybvad

Monday, September 3, 2012

These days have become very difficult for me.  I hate commissary food, I’m sick of it.  I don’t know what direction to take right now.  This is all taking a serious toll on my soul.

It’s time to get past this mess.  If something happens then so be it!  This is completely out of my hands.  I’ll go to the hole knowing that I did nothing on my part to cause this ordeal and I’ll fight my case with everything I’ve got if it goes that far. 

I heard that there’s a rumor that someone is saying I have some kind of sex crime.  This could possibly be the reason I was singled out.   We all know that this isn’t true and I don’t trust a single person in this place no matter what is said to me or about me.  It was also said that no one knows what my story is since they cannot figure me out as there is no one that I have clicked with so they are trying to see what will get under my skin.  I cannot waste any energy on these thoughts as it is taking my mind away from the ultimate goals and my education to change myself for the good of society.

by Steven Dybvad

Monday, September 3, 2012

These days have become very difficult for me.  I hate commissary food, I’m sick of it.  I don’t know what direction to take right now.  This is all taking a serious toll on my soul.

It’s time to get past this mess.  If something happens then so be it!  This is completely out of my hands.  I’ll go to the hole knowing that I did nothing on my part to cause this ordeal and I’ll fight my case with everything I’ve got if it goes that far.

I heard that there’s a rumor that someone is saying I have some kind of sex crime.  This could possibly be the reason I was singled out.   We all know that this isn’t true and I don’t trust a single person in this place no matter what is said to me or about me.  It was also said that no one knows what my story is since they cannot figure me out as there is no one that I have clicked with so they are trying to see what will get under my skin.  I cannot waste any energy on these thoughts as it is taking my mind away from the ultimate goals and my education to change myself for the good of society.

by Steven Dybvad

Sunday, August 26, 2012

 I finally found Joel Osteen today on television.. He is just as pleasant to watch as he is to read.

 Today I’m trying to relax and take it easy. The anxiety from being worried about whether or not I’ll be one of the guys that they’re going to move really has me stressed out. I know that a lot of my stress is self-induced. This is an area of my life that needs a lot of work and improvement, but each time I pick up my Journal, write and feel better about things, I’m reminded that I’m taking steps to change into a man who deals with problems rather than run away from them.


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