by Steven Dybvad

Saturday, August 25, 2012

 I stopped in at the unit manager’s office to confirm whether or not they’re going to be moving some people around and if there’s anything I could do personally to keep from being moved. The rumors are true, they will be moving about 50 men to other areas of the prison. The unit manager said that he’s not at liberty to say who staying and who’s going, but the decisions already been made, and there’s nothing I can do other than pray and have faith that God will continue to protect me just the way that he’s done thus far.

 I finally got a pass to the library today. My goal was to find information on independent studies that I can enroll in and through correspondence courses. I found one book from 1998, almost 15 years old. The library is vast, with fiction books, law books, but just like Michael, they don’t have what I need to move forward. Don’t think I’m going to let this stop me.

by Steven Dybvad

Friday, August 24, 2012

 I am worried that I might get moved to another block. The caseworker for our block said that they’ll be moving around 50 people out of here to other various units. You would think after all the many times I’ve been moved to other locations that I would get used to this sort of thing but I’m not. I never get used to this. Especially after the many stories I’ve heard about how much worse the other blocks are. I was blessed to be put in this unit in the first place. This is known as the check-in unit, a safe haven for the weaker individuals trying to escape from the many predators throughout the rest of the prison. I’m confident that my clean living busy schedule and loaner type living will continue to keep me out of the fire just like Michael, but just like Michael, I’m still in a very violent, high-security prison, living in the Viper pit. My prayers are strong and my will to live a better life is to.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, August 23, 2012

 My dear sweet friends Gretchen and her mother Perry are trying to come visit me on the 30th. First I have to get an approval from the prison to be on my list of visitors. I really hope that they make it. Gretchen is only in town, visiting friends and family for a short time. She lives all the way out in California. Perry lives here in Dayton at this visit be a rare and special occasion. They are just like family. I’ve known them as far back as my memories can go. As a child my mother and I lived with both of them. Peri was like a second mother to me and Gretchen is the closest thing to a sibling that I’ve ever had. They both frequently send me letters and cards letting me know that I’m not forgotten and that they have faith in my hard work to a better future.

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

 I can’t stop thinking about the great visit I had with my mother and daughter last Saturday. At the same time I get overcome by guilt and remorse for all the times in Caitlin’s life that I wasn’t present. She reminded me of important times to come that I’m going to be absent for. Things that my conscious have suppressed. Caitlin’s going to be trying out for American Idol next year, and I can only be lucky enough to perhaps see her on television. I’m also going to be missing her high school graduation. This turns my stomach inside out. The think of all the collateral damage I’ve caused sickens me. All of decisions I’ve made as an active drug addict have not only cause so much heart ache, my past decisions have yet to stop terrorizing my family. In the past all of these thoughts would cause me to go into an extremely depressive coma. All I would do is sleep all day, internalize all thoughts and emotions and do nothing with my life. Now these are driving forces my tackling fuel. These things make me want to be a better man. Or instance, journaling instead of drugs, having written these thoughts and feelings clears my mind and soul, giving me focuses on my life.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

 Today I had the opportunity to watch two movies this was a nice break from the reality of prison. As I left the movie I heard a Sgt. talking to the guard about how they busted one of their coworkers for bringing in bags of tobacco and cell phones for inmates it’s unfortunate but sometimes even the guards break the rules.

by Steven Dybvad

Monday, August 20, 2012

 The other day my bunky heard some guys talking in the kitchen about a gang war in the yard. They mentioned hiding shanks under the dirt all over the yard. This of course was my cue to stay away from the yard until this war is over.

 Well I’m glad I did listen to my bunky and stay away, because there was a really bad fight between gangs on the yard. I heard it was pretty bad but I won’t go into further detail. The leader of the Cryps from the National Geographic documentary is on my block. After the gang fight they took him to the hole. Not for being in the fight because he wasn’t even on the yard at the time. They took him to the hole for being a gang leader and possibly orchestrating part of the fight.

by Steven Dybvad

Sunday, August 19, 2012

 Today, I know I’m on the right track. I’m continuing to stay busy with my reading and writing. I do it for my future and the future of my children.

 As I speak to one of the guards about my hall pass and start to walk off, the guard jokes about me having to put some pimp in my step. Some of the inmates laugh with the guard. This guard put me in a terrible predicament. In order to maintain my own personal safety, I had no choice but to react, even though it’s in my nature to walk away from something as silly as that, the guard forced my hand. My response was simple; I said my mother didn’t raise me to be a pimp. Even though I knew I hadn’t crossed the boundaries of getting in trouble with my response, I don’t like having to lower my standards to someone else’s. But you all must know that if I just walked away, more people would test me, view me as weak, and try to use me. These are all more problems that I don’t need, so I chose

 

the lesser of two evils. Some guards are like children with a magnifying glass over a pile of ants on a sunny day.

by Steven Dybvad

Saturday, August 18, 2012

 Today was a wonderful day

 I was pleasantly surprised with a visit from my beautiful daughter Caitlin. We had a great time together, with my mother also, just the three of us, me and my two favorite ladies. Caitlin is maturing so fast. She looks more like a young woman every time I see her. It just hurts me to think about all of the quality time in between our visits that were both missing out on.

 I cannot take away the amazing time I had with my daughter, but I can’t help feeling heart ache and being upset that my son, Taylor couldn’t make it as there are some complications with his mother. Caitlin please don’t take offense to this, because you couldn’t have made me any happier. I loved our visit, I cherished every moment, and you certainly made my day, you made my whole year. Taylor has also suffered many disappointments with his father and I’m sure this hurt him to. The fact that I’ve caused you to so much pain and this appointment drives me to be better every minute of every day.

by Steven Dybvad

Friday, August 17, 2012

 Remaining faithful to my routine has kept me very busy. I thoroughly enjoy keeping up with politics, learning new words to add to my vocabulary, reading and documenting information is no longer a task for me, and has become some of the things that I look forward to.

 I can’t wait to see my family tomorrow. It’s been so long since I’ve seen my son Taylor that makes me sick to my stomach when I think about how much of my children, Caitlin and Taylor’s life I have to miss out on. More importantly how much they’ve gone and will continue to go on without their father around.

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, August 16, 2012

 Michael’s dedication to changing his life impresses me. The more that I read about the many adversities that he had to face and conquered each and every one with force is what drives his every decision. I strive to emulate Michael and his life once lived in prison. There is no such doubt that he is now living the life that he’s been dreaming of these last 25 years.

 

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

 I took some advice from one of Michael’s books earning freedom and I started making flashcards for new words that I would like to add to my growing vocabulary. Flash cards have always been a tool that helps me learn easier. When ever I have extra time, like standing in line for Chow, or showers and just periodically throughout the day I pull out my flashcards and study, it’s great.

 Regardless of the disappointing news that I received yesterday about no more college classes, I will find some way to educate myself.

 I have been reading my new Joel Osteen book every day. This book is very empowering and spiritually uplifting. It’s not just spiritually either this book is more like a guide for anyone who wants to live a good life and make the best of every minute of our life. This book helps me to face another day in here with the right attitude. I enjoy so much that I’ve slowed my reading down to one chapter a day, this way it will last longer.

by Steven Dybvad

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

 I woke up this morning to a returned kite under my door. It’s one of the kites that I turned in when I first got here, for attending college courses. I was excited to open it, but my excitement quickly turned into slight frustration and major disappointment to see the response. It read “We will no longer be offering college” with no explanation as to why. This means that I just have to wait 11 more months with no tickets or hole shots and then I can apply for transfer to another prison that provides college courses.


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