September 1, 2011
9PM – Kept myself busy today. I wrote lots of notes from Michael Santos book, 8344th Days in Prison. I also wrote my daughter a letter.
I also made my bunky a birthday card for his girlfriend. He really appreciated it and I always enjoy the compliments on my artistic work.
August 31, 2011
8AM – Feeling ok today. I’ve been getting stuck in my head today about how much I miss my children and at the same time being scared to death about how many years of my children’s life I’m going to have to miss out on! How could I have let this happen!
After I’m finished writing my journal, I’m going to make a calendar similar to Michael Santos but instead, I’m going to circle all of the dates I send them letters, talk to them on the phone and even when I get a visit from my mother. I won’t be able to see her this weekend because my parents are going out of town for the 23rd anniversary. I’m so happy for them yet I will still miss their visit on Sunday.
By the end of the day I will hope to have accomplished my workout, my notes from Michael’s Santos book that I’ve already read twice and another few Kytes to the Chaplain about the other books that are in holding.
8AM – I had to make a foxy and smack myself around a little bit to wake up. I’m still trying real hard to get used to waking up early, setting goals and then accomplishing them with the small 8X8’quarters that I reside in 23 hours a day. I remember in Michael’s book he commented on how sleep can be an escape from the torment or imprisonment. I can hibernate through this day but today I will do everything I can to further my success upon my release.
Along with the drawings that I mailed out to my son yesterday, I enclosed another letter to his mother Maria. I simply thanked her for not severing my communication with Taylor. I also told her how sorry I felt for all of the trouble and pain that I’ve caused to her and the children. I’ve got to bleed, sweat and workout the tears from this moment in my life and forever more. I know without a single doubt in my mind that everything I do is completely opposite from my previous life style, thoughts, actions and motives. I will put equal to and more actions and motivations with great ambition I will transpire a multitude of hard work.
Now is my chance to take aggressive actions towards a successful way of life with my family and God willing, be able to help others in the process.
August 29, 2011
4 PM – Today has been ok for me. I didn’t get to talk to my son Taylor last night because his mother didn’t answer the phone. I’m not surprised because I know what a hectic schedule she carries’s with being a single mother, but I am disappointed. Other than that, I have no other complaints. I just finished Michael Santos book ‘Prison, my 8344th Day’. It was very interesting to read. I’ve highlighted some key words and paragraphs and now I’m going back and writing notes. I look forward to receiving the rest of my books from Justin and the workbooks he has sent to me. The jail keeps leaving this stuff in my personal property downstairs which I cannot receive until I am transferred to a Prison. I have to go through a long drawn out process of sending Kytes to the Chaplain and the Sergeant requesting approval for me to receive these self improvement books. It’s not an easy task to receive such positive tools in jail.
Other than finishing my first book, I’ve completed a strong work out that I’ve been doing every other day. It’s very invigorating! I think before I go back and take notes, I’m going to write my daughter Caitlin a letter and sendTaylorsome more pictures I’ve drawn for him. He said he likes Dragons and other scary stuff. I will send him as many drawings as I can to remind him that Daddy loves him and is always thinking of him.
I cannot send my daughter the letters that I write to her as I have broken her heart with my empty promises way to many times. I can only hold so much property here so I am asking my parents if I can just send her letters to their home for them to keep until I am released and then someday, when she is ready and her mother agrees I can give them all of these and let her know, she is always on my mind and her Daddy so loves her he just couldn’t take care of himself and that got in the way of being the father she so deserves.
August 28, 2011
8 AM – Just finished armband count. Ward went out of his “norm” to tell me “good morning Dybvad”. I gratefully responded with a “good morning Ward”. I’m very pleased with myself and the way I tried to resolve our conflict yesterday. This might seem little to others but I feel this is another giant step towards living a successful life upon my release.
8:30 AM – They just unlocked our doors for recreation. I went straight to the phone to see if my mother is going to come visit me today. She answered and told me she’s on her way out the door to come see me. I cherish the little time I have to visit with my mom on Sundays. She fills me in on all the latest news about my kids and the rest of the family. Being in jail again has really taken a toll on my mom as well as the rest of my family. I owe it not only to myself but to my caring family as well. They have stuck by me through so much crap. Words can’t even describe the torment that I’ve put and my children and my family through. I know that I’m not the only one whose going to be doing time. My poor choices and addictions have led my family to doing time with me.
I just finished up a great visit with my mother. She gave me a message that Maria, my son Taylor’s mother, is allowing me to call and talk to him every other Sunday. I can’t wait to talk to him. Great Day!
August 26, 2011
8 AM this is not a good start today for me, one of the guards who seem to have it out for me, just got under my skin during armband count. Now I’m letting him live rent free in my head. I’m hoping that by putting these feelings down on paper they will some what diminish. The guards name is Ward. We call them by their last name. Anyway, my bunky had to yell for me to come to the window for arm bank account and I was sleeping so good that I almost didn’t make it to the window in time. This is a first for me because I usually hear the guard give the armband count warning on the Steno (a wall mounted speaker/receiver in every cell). Long story short Ward said that I’d better thank my bunky for waking my slumber otherwise he would have locked me down for 24 hours. Whenever someone else doesn’t make it to the window in time for count he just locks them down for his shift not 24 hours.
Hmm, I was right, I feel better already. Now I’m charged up for the day. Today I’m going to finish up my mom and dads 23rd anniversary card so that I can mail it out in time. They both have done so much good for me and I’ve caused so much pain for them. It’s past time to change this all around.
10:30 AM I just got out of my cell to take my meds and took advantage of that time to confront Ward on his attitude and harsh words towards me. I confronted him politely and politically correct in the nicest way I knew how. His response was “Awe shucks Dybvad, I was just giving you a hard time”. Now I feel whole lot better. Ready to focus on everything I need to do today to work towards being a better man. I can’t wait to finish Michael Santos book Prison, My 8344th day”.
August 25, 2011
Today feels like its going to be a good day. I woke up for morning armband count, I would normally go right back to sleep, but today I just felt supercharged about doing any and everything that I physically can to work towards a better future. I had an opportunity to speak directly to the Chaplain yesterday about my books and workbooks that Justin Paperny has been sending me. Larry, the Chaplain said that there should be no problems with me having them. He wrote my name down and said that he would check into it for me. I am so pumped about working towards success. I know God put me here because I’m starting to realize this is the only way I’m going to make a drastic change in my life. I had myself convinced that I didn’t need any help, that I could do just fine smoking weed, that I needed pills to ease my pains… Ha! The only pains I had is the anguish that I feel from what I’ve been doing to may family and my children.
11:15 am Wow! This is awesome! I just got my book “Prison my 8344th Day” by Michael Santos. I’m so excited to start reading it. I’m going to start reading right now….
9 pm Ive already read almost half the book. Its very informative and helpful. Ive been underlying key parts and when I finish, I’m going to go back and take notes. Ready for a new awakening!
August 20, 2011
Today has been okay for me. I slept through breakfast. I didn’t even hear the call for breakfast that almost never happens. I did my push-ups before lunch after 20 at once and three reps, after that I can’t push myself off the ground.
I’m a little frustrated considering that I still have not received my books and work assignments from Justin Paperny. My new bunky turned himself in so he can go to the Monday rehabilitation program. I wish I had more answers for him regarding the program. He is facing a few months in prison, and me multiple years. I hope his perspective improves, considering he will he home soon. But I am learning prison is tough on all of us, regardless of how long we serve. Maybe there is a part of me that is envious because he will be home sooner than me. I wish him well, and look forward to the day that I too, can go home to all that I miss.
I had crazy dream last night I was dating one of the Kardasians and that the brother did not like it. He had purple hair and was wearing big women’s ear rings. When I was free on the streets I never had dreams because I was always getting high therefore. I never fell asleep; I would just pass out.
My bunky just told me he’s leaving, good for him. I do wonder what kind of bunky I’m going to get next. Regardless I must keep working!
October 1, 2011
Excited to build my profile and post my blogs. I hope to have a bunch of them up next week. I would like to thank my parents for supporting me. I am making the most of every day and am thrilled to be a part of this program. More to come!