Steven Dybvad – Personal Journal Entry – August 22, 2012

by Steven Dybvad

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

 I can’t stop thinking about the great visit I had with my mother and daughter last Saturday. At the same time I get overcome by guilt and remorse for all the times in Caitlin’s life that I wasn’t present. She reminded me of important times to come that I’m going to be absent for. Things that my conscious have suppressed. Caitlin’s going to be trying out for American Idol next year, and I can only be lucky enough to perhaps see her on television. I’m also going to be missing her high school graduation. This turns my stomach inside out. The think of all the collateral damage I’ve caused sickens me. All of decisions I’ve made as an active drug addict have not only cause so much heart ache, my past decisions have yet to stop terrorizing my family. In the past all of these thoughts would cause me to go into an extremely depressive coma. All I would do is sleep all day, internalize all thoughts and emotions and do nothing with my life. Now these are driving forces my tackling fuel. These things make me want to be a better man. Or instance, journaling instead of drugs, having written these thoughts and feelings clears my mind and soul, giving me focuses on my life.

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