Steven Dybvad – Personal Journal – November 8, 2012

by Steven Dybvad

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I’m at a total loss of words again to write about in my journal.  Absolutely nothing has changed in these last few weeks and I just don’t know what to say anymore.  I hate me for what I’ve done to the lives of my family and me.  Something the only thing I can see ahead of me is the years of incarceration that I have left to serve.  My current length of sobriety has opened my eyes to new world guilt for my past and my environment adds tenfold to the pain.  I can see why inmates that weren’t even addicts or alcoholics on the street tend to pick up substances like drugs and hooch in here in order to help ease the anguish of doing time.  One thing that I continue to thank God for every day is for removing my desires for said substances and replacing my desire with a heightened sense of fear of drugs and alcohol.  The thought of returning to the very thing that led me away from my loved ones and toward the path of utter destruction scares me to death.  I am so thankful for this healthy fear and I pray every day that it never goes away.

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